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How to Deal with your Girlfriend Ex  

G000dbuddy 34M  
974 posts
12/21/2021 12:19 am
How to Deal with your Girlfriend Ex


No matter how promising a new relationship may be, having the "ex" in the picture can easily compromise it. It becomes even more complicated when the ex also happens to be your girlfriend's best friend. They always see each other, they spend hours talking on the phone, and she runs to him for advice. She swears that nothing romantic is going on and that the relationship that they have is purely platonic. You end up having no choice but to live with it or give up. This kind of situation will leave a big bruise on your ego and will always create a trust issue.

Ask how they met, what happened with their relationship, what differences they had to deal with, and why they broke up. The "ex who's just a friend" is so much better than the "ex she still has feelings for." Be thankful that she has somebody else in her life whom she can turn to in times of trouble. No matter how hard you try, you will never be there for her 100% of the time.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/21/2021 12:22 am

The real problem arises when you realize that she indeed has feelings for him. Be certain about your facts before you speak to her about it.. It will be very embarrassing if you accuse her of being hung up with her ex based on mere paranoia and jealousy.The conversation can end up in various ways. You can end up separating because you made her realize that she indeed has feelings for your ex.

goodbuddy781


staci_19702 51T  
3767 posts
12/21/2021 3:20 am

It’s a vicious circle.
Mad that mistake years ago. Just had to learn to let things ride sometimes.

Have a great day! 💋
Staci


EnigmaInitiative 53F  
6054 posts
12/21/2021 6:47 am

I'm still friends with most of my exes, but then I don't know that believe there's a reason for someone to be jealous over them. But, then, I look at life very differently than monogamy.

This week's HNW: Pink/Hearts (Or Chocolate) is available on the other side.


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/21/2021 6:51 am

Other comments from women
Why need to turn back to the past... OVER means OVER
The great issues still remain only... APPRECIATED!
Seems to be guys prefer to be evil obsession no matter ex. or present.

Have no X's in my life for many years, and dont date a man who has one in his life either

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/21/2021 6:56 am

For sale:
He is Not a young Pup any more, but still has a few good tricks, left in him.

He has been House broken, knows when to go out, and will scratch at the door, for permission.

He has been taught many neat tricks, by two prior owners, : he can build shelves, wash windows, vacuum, change the oil, and other various household chores.

He also likes to play fetch (comes in handy for groceries)

He is well trained in communication; When at a Night club, just speak in a low, firm, forceful Tone, and his eyes will be glued to you, and . . . {ONLY} . . to you. . . for the rest of the Night.

Use the firm command; Heel, and he will be at your side, in any department store, carrying packages. (with tail wagging)

And if you ever get the sudden urge, to see him do BackFlips (sometimes multiple backflips) ; just casually leave your monthly credit card Bill, lying on the kitchen table.

When he's Good; He responds well, to a kind word, pat on the head, or even scratching his tummy.

When he's Bad; A good sharp, on the nose, with a rolled up newspaper, works wonders.

Feeding: Usually one Bowl of Gruel, left by the dinner table, when he gets off work, is sufficient.

BedTime: He sleeps comfortably at the foot of the bed, and has been taught not to tug at the covers.

Also at Bedtime: He has learned to sit up and Beg. But,. . can be commanded to roll over, and play Dead, (when necessary).

It's a good idea to keep a rolled up newspaper, handy at the nightstand, (just in case.)

Optional Item; Electric training collar available, variable voltage, from 2 to 15 amps/volts (non lethal, of course) . . . . .bet you wish had one of these, for your last relationship.

First Date; Coffee? . . . or, Maybe a walk in the park? (I won't chase cars, and promise not to sniff, french Poodles)(even if those French Bit*ches are in heat)

He is Very Loyal, and will offer unconditional Love, . . . . so . . .
Instead of For Sale, .. . . ..on second thought, . . . Free/ to Good Home, with loving Owner.(sounds better)

Basically, I'm just a nice, normal, decent kinda guy . . . . . looking for . . . . The Perfect (for me), Perky, Petite, Passionate, Pervasively Elusive, Princess of My Heart.

Good Luck, in meeting your Match, and may God Bless .

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/21/2021 10:36 pm

topics that should be considered off-limits on all first dates.

Marriage
A first date is not the time to talk about your plans for marriage. Your date doesn't want to hear all the wedding plans or what kind of wife you plan to be. Marriage is a topic that will scare most men away. Talk about this huge commitment and the chances you'll have a second date are very slim.

Religion
Even if your religion is very important to you and you want to date someone who shares the same beliefs, this topic is one that can cause tension. Don't make a first date uncomfortable by talking about religion. Get to know each other in general first and you can delve into deeper topics later. Talking about religion on the first date makes it seem like it might be at the top of your list and that can scare some people away.

Sex
It's a bad idea to discuss sex on the first date. There are so many more important and less personal things to discuss over dinner. Whether he's asking if you'll have sex on the first date or how many men you've been with, don't answer these kinds of questions. Some men get the wrong idea when women are willing to discuss sex. They think that if you're willing to talk about it, you're willing to do it. Avoid the subject matter altogether.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 4:26 am

Understand that men don't always put the same value on sex that we do. It's just one of those anomalies of nature that we just have to get used to. It's been that way since the beginning of time and it'll never change. Yes, there are some men who may need a committed relationship to have sex, but that doesn't mean they won't have uncommitted sex. Men want to have sex. Men like to have sex. Men need to have sex. Period. If they're in a relationship and they like having sex with you, then great. If not, guess what...they are still going to find someone to have sex with. I would like to think that there are more men out there that practice celibacy in between relationships. But the real truth is that we'll never really know. Where does that leave us? Well...the best thing we can do is to try and increase our chances of finding a man that will want to be in a committed, monogamous relationship with us. That's where the 90-day rule comes in, but for some, it could take much longer than 90 days. Really, we should all be striving to abstain from sex until we know that we are truly committed. Reality...that just doesn't happen very much these days. Many women aren't good at this. The key is to not get emotionally attached to a man before it's time.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 4:28 am

Think before you speak. Oh ladies, I am sooooo bad at this. I say stuff. Hurtful stuff. And then I want to take it back. But I can't take it back. And the person I said it to is now looking at me like I'm crazy. It doesn't matter that he hurt me. It doesn't matter that he was wrong. If I lose control, he will remember it and secretly use it against me later. Men know that we are emotional, but they just can't handle our emotional outburts. It makes them feel helpless. And if you begin to spew out hateful things, then it just boosts the case that they've already been building to leave you. Unfair, yes. But that's just the way it is. Rarely will a man think to himself, "I deserve this tongue lashing she's giving me." He may sit there and take it, but he won't forget it. I'm a writer, so I use the gift that God gave me to help curb my tongue. I write down all my crazy feelings. I may discuss them with a close friend. But I try not to say a word to him until I'm ready to be rational and concise. I want to make sure that what I say is a true reflection of how I feel, and that I won't regret anything I've said afterwards. It doesn't always work, though. This is so hard because hurt and anger can totally minimize any ability you have to be rational. But in the end, he might not like what you've said but he won't be able to call you psycho.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 4:30 am

Try to engage him in determining when the best time is to discuss an issue. Let him tell you when he will be willing to talk. If he's not willing, then that's a clue. Pick it up. Also, long, drawn out conversations, letters and emails just don't do the trick. His attention span is not that great. If you notice, men speak and write in short, sometimes broken sentences. They like to transpose "u" for "you" and "r" for "are". Keep it short and meaningful. You may want to practice on a friend before you actually engage in a conversation with your man about an issue. It could make all the difference in the world.
Sistahs, we gotta start backing each other up. There's a saying that a man wouldn't cheat if he didn't have anyone to cheat with. Well I know that concept is pretty grandiose, but we have to each start holding ourselves accountable for our own actions. Don't be the woman a man cheats with. I know....we all have feelings and needs and sometimes this one man just comes and sweeps us off our feet and next thing we know we end up in bed. If you know he's in a relationship, leave him alone. I think the social environment has caused some otherwise good women to mutate like the Ebola virus. They start out with good intentions and hope, and end up adapting to the game. They pounce on any man they can find, whether he's single or not. They look for the "stuff". Any man with a nice car, a big wad of cash, and plenty of bling can get some. Sometimes I think we lose site of what's really important in regards to relationships, so we settle for whatever we can get. The game is vicious. But it really doesn't have to be that way.


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 4:33 am

Men just stop calling. This applies especially if you've been dating someone for more than a month, or worse yet sleeping with her. It's so incredibly rude and disrespectful. Nine times out of ten, if you just tell her that you don't think it's going to work between the two of you, she may follow with a few questions about why, but if you are sincere and not accusing her of anything, she'll get the hint and leave you alone. And the best part is you don't have to feel bad about anything, because you did the right thing. In addition to this, don't do the gradual back up. It's humiliating. You are not doing me any favors by gradually decreasing your interaction with me, or making commitments and breaking them. Because as long as you interact with me, I still have hope. Just break it off cold turkey. No need to "let me down easy." Remember, women are just ticked off...not fragile.
Communicate. I know it takes the fun and excitement out of things, but what's more important? Really. Maybe you're afraid that if the word gets out to your boys that you're really a communicator, they'll give you a hard time. No one has to know. You can still keep your macho image AND be a man that communicates.
Be a man of your word. Don't lie. Trust can't be built if you're wishy-washy and unreliable. It doesn't just affect you. It affects every man that comes behind you. Lying is hard for women to forgive. We may tell you we've forgiven you, but the truth of the matter is that we never forget even the tiniest lie. We may lay down with you, but we are not going to forget the time you lied. If you say you're going to do something, then do it. If you have no intentions of doing something, then don't say you will just to make yourself look good. If you want to look good, go buy a new suit. Do not lie. So make it easier for the brothas that really are interested in settling down, by protecting a woman's ability to trust.


goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 4:37 am

Resist the urge to pursue a woman that presents a challenge unless you really are ready to consider a relationship. This isn't a game or a sport that you get goody points for. I know men who pick and pick at women who have clearly stated they have been hurt and have no intentions of letting down their guard. It then becomes this big challenge to get her to do just that. Then once he's broken her down, he's done. I can't even begin to tell you the resentment this builds up. It does nothing for the overall relations between men and women. It makes us not trust you or anyone else...ever.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:25 pm

Other comments 1
"Sistahs, we gotta start backing each other up. There's a saying that a man wouldn't cheat if he didn't have anyone to cheat with."

There is a second part to that which is missing, Women have rings [ frequently ] to show they are in a relationship, men don't
so how are you to know if he is a cheating or not?
maybe you should be demanding he wear a ring at all times also.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:27 pm

Others comments 2
. If this was not a feminists view of the battle of the sexes than I have just lost all faith. such a shallow view of men. you do make some valid points but gees lighten up. Ill make the assumption that you are single, no wonder with that attitude.
If men dont work you out in a month or so then its our fault?
You show men a little respect and then they might just open up and listen to what you have to say, but with all this sort of bullshit like "get a clue" doesn't say much in the trust department from you I think.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:28 pm

Other comments 3
I take evrything you say and give you a huge Bravo !
you not the only one who thinks like this. Im a man in his 40's and Im sick and tired of the crap other men leave behind.
I see it and feel it on a weekly basis ... as my brother is one of those men that knot his bed with a penknife and shout ...score the morning after some poor woman has left his home... he's been like that since he was 19... and Im usualy the bloke that has to clean up his mess ... while at the same time trying to maintaine my partnerships with my love intrests...

as Ive said Im 40 now and the ladies are turning away and chosing to scratch the itch rather than take up relationships
and a part of me understands, the other is frustraighted with the whole concept that selfish men have ruined my life with selfish act's of lust to just knot there bed's ... and shout score in there mates face and brag that they are the man...

does love stand a chance of being found ... cause at 40 the look's are slipping ... and with it hope of romance and forever...

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:30 pm

Other comments 4
It amazes me that everyone thinks they are such authorities on this subject, yet, the divorce rate soars and the dating game is even worse! Horse crap!!

Apart from the fact that it is too long winded, it is full of the same old platitudes and cliches that get rolled out time and time again. BBBBBBBBoringgggggggggg. Nothing new or original and full of holes!!

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:31 pm

Other comments from woman 1
Just done my graceful exit. I know I can be too needy and insecure sometimes but doesn't mean I need to be treated like a doormat. I still have my self respect thank you very much.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:32 pm

Other comments from woman 2
I LOVE this. It's brilliant. The types of guys you have referred to sound just like my ex. I did the graceful exit, however he started contacting me again and telling he loves me very much. YEH talk to the hand buddy. I stopped answering his calls and texts again. Haven't heard from him in two weeks. YEY!!! What a egotistical jerk!!!!

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:33 pm

Other comments from woman 3
Brillant to read so true, realy made me think.
Number 2 of men is so true to me personaly, then again spose give them credit for just not giving up, even though you have told them where you stand.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:34 pm

Other comments from woman 4
Is it my imagination, or is there something about the rules of the dating game that places men and women in an antagonistic relationship right on square one? If love is war, how is that supposed to turn into 50 years of trust and teamwork? Men and women blame and bash one another over this, but both are victims of a dysfunctional social custom.
Question: How to take the game out of dating?

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/26/2021 11:36 pm

Other comments from woman 5
Wow!! Great article! Lot's of stuff for both parties (men and women) to think about!! A bit lengthy but very, very good!!
Good, sufficiently longwinded and in depth!

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/28/2021 3:16 am

The universal laws of attraction put into play the people who will be attracted to each other. Do these laws really exist? Surely they do, they always have, and they always will. Think about it. Have you ever made a statement about a certain type of person, an individual with specific personality traits, being attracted to you or vice versa? In fact, people are attracted to each other for a wide assortment of reasons.

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/28/2021 3:16 am

The individual who is a good listener attracts those who need to talk almost as much as the good listener needs to listen. The individual who is a good leader attracts those who need to follow. Intellectuals attract other intellectuals; athletes attract athletes; and so on down the line until everyone is attracting someone

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/28/2021 3:17 am

Did you really think that people congregate together simply because of proximity, or some other random factor? People who have similar interests or abilities are attracted to each other. People are attracted to specific body types, hair coloring, and more. In fact, it isn't necessarily true that people are attracted to the whole person, but rather, they are attracted to a specific aspect of the individual

goodbuddy781


G000dbuddy 34M  
1676 posts
12/28/2021 3:17 am

If an individual is attracted to someone physically, when does it begin to become an emotional attraction? Or is it on an emotional level before you even know it. If you begin to chase the individual who has peaked your interest, is that the factor that maintains the attraction or is it simply the factor that enhances the attraction? Whatever it is, the theory behind soulmates may be a valid one.

goodbuddy781


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