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Gooselogic, and other foul language. Ramblings of an over thinker.
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I’m kinda over this...
Posted:Nov 23, 2020 5:44 am
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2021 10:54 pm
4786 Views
Every couple of months, I get a survey about how things are going during the pandemic. Part of goes over your mental health. For the most part, I’d say I’m coping rather well, but then I realized one of the things I’m good at is compartmentalizing, like REALLY good at . When I was going through one of the most horrible times of my life, people were like, “Oh, I didn’t know. You seemed so happy.” Thanks, good girl social construct!

I was talking someone about panic attacks and how they have this nasty way of creeping up on you. We talked about various stressors in my life, and he asked me about some of mine. Saying them out loud him was cathartic, and I could a small panic attack rise in my chest, making hard breath. Luckily, he was able just hold space for me and the panic left my body. probably also helped that he was giving me an amazing massage while this was going on.

As this pandemic drags on, I’m having a hard time justifying being social and seeing my family. even makes me wonder if I should even show up work. And that makes me feel kinda sad and depressed.

But on the bright side, I’m really learning about what matters the most right now in the grander scheme of things, and taking pleasure in small things, like sometimes being able do work in my underwear.
10 Comments
I wasn’t lying when I said “specific” (Part III)
Posted:Nov 21, 2020 9:12 am
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2021 10:49 pm
4892 Views
I remember meeting someone after getting off of work, and one of the first things he said was, “What do you want eat? I’ll go pick it up.”

At that moment, he completely leveled up in my mind.

One might ask, “What’s the big deal?”

People who are natural caretakers will say things like not only ask "How are you?" but also things like
"How's your family?"
"Have you eaten?”
“Be safe.”
“Let me know when you get home.”

With such simple phrases, these people are saying, “I give a fuck about you and your safety/well being because you are that important me.”

In my experience, these are the types of lovers will who not only fuck you until the sun comes up but will also make damn sure you are well hydrated/fed during said sexfest to keep the party going smoothly. Then, when he is good and satisfied that everyone’s carnal needs have been met, he will bathe you and tuck you into bed with spa music playing in the background.

Besides, no one likes a bad host. Trust me, I’ve had my share, and needless say, none of those guys come up in my spank bank of memorable lovers.

If you think about it, this is actually a win-win situation because this type of man allows for me to relax into my inner sex goddess, who then comes out ready to enthusiastically reciprocate the attention and care shown me.

Who wouldn’t want a lover like that?
10 Comments
I’m just gonna leave this right here...
Posted:Nov 8, 2020 8:08 am
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2021 2:23 pm
5135 Views
It’s interesting how most people think kink and power dynamics (e.g. D/s) are such dirty things that it’s a topic most people avoid talking about it. I find kink and power dynamics immensely interesting, and something I desire for my next actual relationship on a very primal level.

I didn’t realize such an amazing world of beautiful orgasms neatly tucked into a sphere of mutual respect of boundaries existed. I wanted to scream it from the rooftops, and let my fellow sisters know sex does not have to be this Ho-hum duty we need to fulfill to keep our men happy, or worse, expect that somehow our partners will know what we need bc we felt too ashamed or silly to ask for that tender desire to be mouth fucked like a dirty insatiable .

I decided to try a social experiment among my friends with the post below. I started off by saying, “ok, I know this might not be your thing, but what do you think of it?”

The responses were overwhelmingly positive, which wasn’t really surprising. Many of them, especially my vanilla friends, said it stirred something deep inside of them that they never knew existed.

Who doesn’t want a man that understands a woman is most sexually responsive and creative when she’s her best self emotionally, physically, and psychologically? He not only celebrates it but encourages it. It’s this innate understanding of compersion and true power dynamics that makes a partner like him appealing.

Someone asked me if this stemmed from “daddy issues.” I kinda wish we had the technology to bitch slap someone through the internet. Then again, he might’ve enjoyed that, but I digress. Aren’t we all just a little fucked up from childhood experiences?

What matters ultimately is that sex can be a way to reconnect with needs and desires we have in a very Maslow hierarchy of needs kind of way (yes, I know random, meaningless/random sex also has its place, but that's not what I'm talking about), which is why it’s even more important to be able to express your wants and needs openly and know your partner has your best interests at heart to take you somewhere you never realized you could go (being able to get over that discomfort with someone you trust is amazing).

What was kinda sad is that most of my interested friends were like, “where can I find a guy like this?” I didn’t know what to tell them since I’ve asked myself the very same question.

All I know is that if a guy like him is looking for a badass, I shouldn’t settle for anything less either.
8 Comments
The sofa
Posted:Nov 7, 2020 3:05 am
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2022 11:02 am
4892 Views
He traced a line from her collarbone down the top her cleavage. He could see her nipples through her sheer black lace bra and even sheerer white button blouse. He proceeded lower one of her breasts, and began trace imaginary circles around her areola before forcefully clamping down her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

She initially didn’t flinch under his touch, until he started moving his fingers back and forth. Her breaths became slow and shallow. Without releasing her, he leaned forward and softly flicked his tongue over her other nipple through her shirt, softly taken her nipple into his mouth and alternately sucking between soft and slight to deep and hard.

She closed her eyes and began to moan. Her vaginal lips convulsed in time with his deep sucking. Her hands found their way to his head as she grabbed fistfuls of his hair. Her fingernails scraped his scalp. She grasped onto his shoulders as the feeling of orgasm began to swell.

He quickly turned her over, so that she was bent over the arm of his sofa. Her short, black skirt hiked up, exposing her ass and the sheer lace thong beneath. He fell to his knees, admiring the view. His hands moved slowly up and down from her thighs, taking the time to admire her before him, but he also knew that she was quite the impatient lover, and he wanted her to wait. She began shifting in front of him, and he knew that she was getting uncomfortable with her wants. Leaning forward, he pulled her thong down her thighs with his teeth.

Looking over her shoulder, he knew what she wanted even before she asked.

He smiled back at her before obligingly pulling her cheeks apart. He bit down gently on the sides before slowly moving his tongue up and down her asshole. He pushed two fingers into her wet vagina, pressing down while he rubbed her g-spot. His lips and tongue continued to ravish her from behind. She began to move her hips back and forth slowly as he fingered and tongue fucked her.

His pace quickened when her moans became louder between continued whispers of obscenities. He could feel her vaginal walls contract around his fingers. Sticking his thumb into her ass as he moved his other fingers to circle her engorged clit. Her fingernails dug into the couch arm as she screamed. Her orgasm sent waves of pleasure throughout her body. He replaced his thumb with tongue again, as his other fingers continued with fervor until her body became so overwhelmed with pleasure, she begged him to stop.

He leaned back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and slapping her ass hard with the other.

“Good girl.”

He smiled as she sank exhausted into his arms.
1 comment
I don’t think this is too much to ask for...
Posted:Oct 28, 2020 10:23 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2021 1:30 pm
3955 Views
I just want a man hug from behind, gently brushing my hair aside as his lips caress the base of my neck my ear, and whispers...
3 Comments
Welcome Home (Part I) — Fiction
Posted:Oct 23, 2020 1:10 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2021 1:29 pm
3456 Views
You close the front door behind you, throwing your keys into the bowl by the door and placing your laptop bag down. What a shit show, you think to yourself going over the various fires you had to put out at work earlier in the day. If you didn’t love your job so much in spite of all this, you’d be content living in an RV somewhere in remote USA, working on your next novel. You lean down to slip your shoes off when the metronomic click of my heels on the tile floor causes you to look in my direction. Initially lost in your thoughts, you do a double take. Your jaw drops as you slowly take in what I’m wearing: the choker of golden flowers you bought me on a whim, black thigh high fishnet stockings with a black lace and satin thong, and nothing else but a smile.

Our eyes lock as I slow down my gait to emphasize the sway in my hips and prolong the distance between us, stopping within arms length as I slowly turned to give you a complete view of my outfit from every angle with a Woodford’s old fashioned in hand--your favorite. You finish taking off your shoes and stand erect, stretching both arms above your head, yawning with feigned disinterest.

As you lean back into the stretch, my eyes glance down at the bulge in your pants. My smile turns smug for a moment knowing how much I turn you on, but I try to keep it sexy and look up at you coyly as our eyes meet again. Your eyes narrow briefly as the idea of you pushing me up against the wall to have your way with me flashes through your mind. Another time, you muse.

I place the drink in your right hand, and lead you with the other to the armchair in the home office. You glance towards the window and see the neighbor across the street trimming their hedges. You think for a second to close the curtains, but you know the idea of accidentally being seen turns me on. You focus your attention back to me. I’m excited that you’re home, so I could show off the outfit I bought for you earlier today.

I sit you down and kiss your lips softly and guide your free hand around my hips. Your hand slips inside my panties to cup my ass as your mouth encloses on one of nipples dangling in front of your face. You start sucking and licking my nipples, stopping at various times to softly blow on one, causing it to harden before you bite down on me. I steady myself with my hands on your shoulders as I gasp and then shudder from the mixture of pain and pleasure, digging my nails through your crisp white shirt. You chuckle as an orgasm causes my knees to slightly buckle.

“Get on your knees.”

The command is curt, but sends a shiver over me in anticipation of the night unfolding. My breath quickens as I fall to my knees between your open legs, resting my hands on my knees. Loosening your tie, you take a sip of bourbon before leaning back into the chair, taking in the site of me looking up at you. You then lean forward to cup my face. Your thumb slowly traces my lips before you slide it into my mouth.

“Now suck on it.”

The saliva in my mouth starts to pool at the back of my throat as I imagine your thumb is your dick in my mouth. You smile as my tongue rubs against your thumb. My lips make a loud sucking sound as you extract your thumb, and replace it with your next two fingers and start moving them in and out, slowly at first and then faster, only to slow down again. I can see your erection stretching through your pants. Without thinking, my hand moves towards you as you remove your fingers from my mouth to grab my wrist, stopping me.

“You want it. Don’t you?”

I nod my head in agreement. Your voice lowers, as your grip tightens around my wrist.

“How do you ask nicely for it?”

Releasing my arm, you lean back in the chair, taking a slow sip. Your eyes slightly narrowing above the rim, hinting a darkness if the answer does not please you.

“May I please suck your big cock as you fuck my sweet little face?”

You slightly choke on your drink as you try to hide a laugh at the audacity of such a saucy remark, and debate if I should be punished. Not now, you think, but soon. She’s still learning what it means to be mine. You shake your head in mock disbelief and laugh. I’ll make her beg later, you muse.

“Since you asked so nicely. By all means. Have your way with me.”

Holding the glass by the rim with your fingertips, you shift your hips to allow me to remove your pants. Our eyes meet once your pants completely off, your dick springs back towards you and makes a soft slapping sound on your abdomen. I bite my lip feeling slightly self conscious and vulnerable when I see how you’re looking at me. The sheer size of your erect penis gets me wet. I smile when I look down at the tip of your penis to see a bead of pre-cum.

I lean forward into your lap, and lick the precum off before I proceed to take the tip of your penis in my mouth. I swirl my tongue around the head before I try to take all of you, gagging before I could come to the base of your penis, coating your dick with my saliva. I start to move my head up and down as I’m sucking on you. I then grab the base of your penis and your balls in my other hand, as I reach the apex of your glistening dick and proceed to move my mouth and hand up and down in unison.

I hear the clink of your drink as it lands on the table alongside the chair. You moan as you grab a fistful of my hair at the base of my neck and start guiding me into a faster rhythm as your hips move up and down. Your dick is hitting the back of my throat causing me to gag again, and a gush of saliva floods my mouth, and tears stream down my face. I can hear you softly moan as you fight back the urge to cum in my mouth, your hand still in my hair you release some of the tension to allow me to suck you at a more comfortable pace.

“Touch yourself while you go down on me.”

My free hand reaches down into my underwear as I start to stimulate my clitoris. I moan with pleasure with your dick still in my mouth, as my juices start to coat my fingers. You continue to moan as you hand grab my hair again, this time causing my head to jerk back, so I'm looking up at you again.

“You’re such a good little slut.”

“Only for you I am.”

“I want you to come get a taste of this drink.”

You smile as I straddle your lap with my boobs in your face and my dripping vagina hovering above your erection. I lean forward, slowly licking the bourbon off your lips, before I slip my tongue into your mouth. I wrap my arms around your head and neck pulling you in closer.

Your hands are moving between massaging my breasts and kneading my ass with varying intensity. You then grab my hips and impale me with your hard erection. I gasp as the head of your penis crashes against my cervix. I start to think playtime is over, but the real play is about to begin.
1 comment
Haiku writing class - Irritation
Posted:Oct 20, 2020 2:24 am
Last Updated:Dec 30, 2021 12:12 pm
3237 Views
I’ve been having a massive writing block, which was only made worse by an unfortunate interaction I recently had that was reminiscent of a very toxic relationship I had in the past where one of the many abusive things my ex did was “crazy making” or gaslighting. It’s crazy how you might not realize it’s being done to you until someone else it out. But once you’ve been there, it’s way spot for yourself, and hopefully you’re at a point distance yourself. (But I digress...)

So back my writers block, I did what any backed up writer would do—take a writers course. I’m taking a class that uses Haikus dig deep. I’d like think I’m pretty opinionated and brave, but I’m finding that exploring these feelings are making want clam up and hide. At the same time, who said anything worth having was easy. I’d like move forward in my writing and just life in general, so I’m chunking my fears the deuce (🖕🏼🖕🏼)! Here’s my response the prompt of “irritation.”

Irritation
/20/2020

It’s crazy making
How you make feel confused
But say, “I love you!”

I’m screaming out loud
I hate how you make feel
It’s not right—just go.

My heart is pounding
White knuckled, hands clenched tightly
My teeth are grinding.

This feels familiar
But never in a good way
I hate being here.

I want smash it
With a fist, with a hammer
Into your smug face.

I’m doubting myself
You’re enjoying me upset
It’s crazy making.

(Note: The meme below was borrowed from “a little hippie, a little hood.”)
0 Comments
I wasn’t lying when I said “specific...” (Part II)
Posted:Oct 8, 2020 4:41 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2021 1:23 pm
2795 Views
Illenium's "nightlight" been playing a loop inside my head, e.g. the line, "and when i fall apart, promise in the dark you'll be my nightlight..."

what I like about this song is that it highlights the dichotomy we all have at times... specifically, being strong, decisive, and capable on the outside, but still having these tender desires to want someone who has your back and is able to help share the burden or be a source of hope...

i know I've been there before--countless times... and it's in those moments you realize what your relationships are really made of, as well as, which ones are worth pursuing VS those that aren't...

so what does this have to do with the type of man i yearn for?

this stems from a recent heartbreak i experienced... i was dating someone that i adored in many ways, e.g. his brilliance and willingness to teach those eager to learn (I’ve noticed some people can be really stingy with their knowledge, but I digress), his nonchalant laid back attitude, and dry sense of humor that had me second-guessing whether he was serious or not... i found his tell was a mischievous grin, which seemed be more often than not and drove me crazy in a good way--it also didn't hurt he knew his way around human anatomy... I mean he was (and is) a doctor after all.

imagine the devastation i felt when something i innocuously did trigger him to pull away... and yet, he would find ways to stay in my orbit in such a way that i was the sun and he was the moon, always nearby but never close enough... for those of us who have been in anxious-avoidant attachment style relationships, it's easy to understand the feelings of the anxious partner spiraling in the thoughts of being too much, but never enough...

after some distance and self-reflection, i realized a couple of things... one is that he is actually royal dick disguised as a nice guy... and two, i deserve someone who will show up and protect my heart as if it was his own... I should clarify here that this guy talked a really good game about wanting intimacy beyond sexual gratification, much to my chagrin, he turned out to be the avoidant type when it came to expressing feelings whether it was during the heat of an argument or me pouring out my heart to him. It was during these moments he magically had work to do. I later found out he did this with all of his relationships. the reality is it's hard to expect him to show up for me when he doesn't really show up for himself or others he states he cares about... at the end of the day, is that someone i really want in my life?

no, he's not...

i want someone who can not only build a container of trust between us but where he can be (mental and emotionally) strong enough to be able to break me down and build me up again... this a type of power dynamic that most self-proclaimed " Doms" do not (and will never) understand...

Sub drop is a real thing and can be a very vulnerable and scary place to be when you feel like you’re falling and no one is there to catch you... a real man doesn't break someone and leave them in the wake of their devastation because they don't have their shit together... i should probably reiterate that just bc i prefer a Dom/sub relationship does not mean I will enter it with just anyone... at the same time, there does have to be a power dynamic in some sense for me to stay interested... I'll probably explore this more at a later time...

at the end of the day, what i'm getting at is that all kinds of relationships (sexual or non-sexual) need to have a sense of open communication and rapport worth continuing the interaction for...

yes, i get that most guys don't want to (or know how to) "deal" with the emotional or psychological aspects of relationships... then again, i'm not interested in most guys...
3 Comments
I wasn’t lying when I said “specific...” (Part I)
Posted:Oct 1, 2020 11:49 pm
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2021 1:22 pm
2695 Views
The hard thing about knowing exactly the type of person you want fucking your brains out on a regular basis (casual is fine to scratch that itch, but I ultimately want something that will leave me in afterglow hours and maybe even days after the fact) is that the pool of eligible men seems to get smaller the point I’m thinking I might have A) just settle or spend the rest of my days masturbating to the idea such a person...

So who is this unicorn?... ok, wrong word according to the kink dictionary... I’m going to go with Minotaur (for reasons I may delve into later)... well, this answer to the question of what kind of guy I'm looking for has a layered answer...

I’d say the first layer has to do with feeling like I can be myself around this person. Now, I’m not talking about freely farting or showing him my latest cross stitch pattern. I’m talking about being able to raw and unfiltered—within reason of course... there’s a fine line between speaking your mind and verbal abuse...

This is the type of person where you would say things that most people wouldn’t get, and even if he didn’t get it, the type of guy I’m looking for would allow a container to feel what I feel (regardless of if he agreed or not), and still look at me with the same awe and respect as he always does...

Case in point, this guy wasn’t my lover, but nevertheless, a very important man in my life... we don’t need get into too many details, but he did something I didn’t agree with that I felt involved something very dear to me, and I just let him have it... I think I yelled at him for like an hour or so... not sure, I think I was so mad I may have blacked out a little... the while he sat there, listening... he didn’t interrupt, except say, “ok, so this is how it’s going be is it?”

In the end, after I lost all of my steam, a huge part felt remorseful, and the “good girl” part of me wanted to say how sorry I was and that it was somehow my fault. The reality was, I was scared shitless this important person in my life would leave because I was being "too emotional."

Ok, not my finest hour... I really was ashamed of how I acted... at the same time, I was seriously upset and scared of what his actions appeared to have potentially cost me...

After what seemed like an eternity, he looked at me, and said, “i don’t regret my decision, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. I can see that you really don’t like me right now, and I REALLY don’t care for you right now, but at the end of the day, we’re going be in each other’s lives.”

Ok, let’s dissect that right there... as much as we’d like to say we have our shit together and would never act like a little bitch, we all have a breaking point at times... it’s the people who help pick up the pieces without judgment that are worth hanging ...

Notice I said “help”... I don’t need a knight in shining armor... I need someone who can stand steadfast in their own lives and decisions, and still be that rock that people can cling onto when they know you’re drowning and having a hard time...

What does this have to do with sex?, you might ask... again, I’m not talking about casual sex, I’m talking about the kind of sex where you can tell your lover, “hey, I really like it when you spank me like this...” or “hey, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be with two men....” the reality is, when talking about sexual fantasies and desires, it can be a very soul-baring moment for both parties... and at times, can be a source of emotional release that can throw/turn some people off if you don’t have the container of trust in the first place, which is why I think sex for the first time sex (e.g. casual sex) is “meh” at best...

(Disclaimer: ok, I’ll admit I've had a one night stand before where the sex was 🤯 with a guy who blew my socks off without blowing my mind, but he was definitely an anomaly... also, that is NOT my Twitter handle...)
4 Comments
Who’s your daddy?
Posted:Sep 27, 2020 11:26 am
Last Updated:Feb 10, 2022 9:21 pm
1888 Views
The million dollar question I’ve been asked on this site is, “What kind of man are you looking for?”

I'll expand more on this post later...

In the meantime, guys who can laugh at this tweet are my kind of people.
1 comment
You - A poem
Posted:Sep 13, 2020 7:37 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2021 1:16 pm
1732 Views
You look towards me
As I walk across the room
You smile as our eyes meet
When I stop in front of you
Your lips part expectantly
As I lean down to kiss you
Your tongue enters my mouth
Tentative, then fervid
You pull away to watch
My dress as it falls off my shoulders
Your eyes following its descent
Cascading into a pool at my feet
Your lust is palpable
And it engulfs me.
3 Comments
i'm not trying to make history here
Posted:Sep 13, 2020 5:59 am
Last Updated:Feb 16, 2022 7:33 pm
1903 Views
one thing a guy can say that will instantly turn off is, ", i've never been with an Asian girl/chic before." *gag*

it's like c'mon, really?!?! did you just negate my existence as an actually nice (albeit kinky at times) person in one fatal sentence?

I mean, I get it... I have a type... I LOVE older, professional white guys... there's just something so sexy about a man who's already settled in his career and life that he doesn't give a rat's ass about what other guys are doing around hi. this type of guy is likely not act jealous or intimidated if another guy catches my eye because, at the end of the day, he knows he will be the only one fucking ... he’s also likely be so secure in his manhood that he’ll be able comment, "yeah, he's a good looking dude..." (a part of this might be the cockiness that comes with white privilege, but this is my fantasy, so back off!)... I would also like point out that just bc this is my “preferred” type, I don’t limit myself such. Sometimes you just like who you like. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The difference is, i'm not boxing him as a novelty per se... i'm honoring the parts of him that make him a king in his own right... whereas the stereotypical idea (most) men have of Asian women is that we are demure, obedient, or delicate... (don't get me wrong, I can definitely be those things with the right man, but I digress)...

or maybe guys who say shit like that think sleeping with women of certain races makes them more "wordly" having slept with a cornucopia of girls from colors... well, anyone who thinks adding notches in their belt makes them a stud/(what's the female version of a stud?) is pretty lame...

at the end of the day, i'm not trying make history being the first Asian you slept with, and even if I was, for fuck's sake, please do NOT tell .

Note: the picture below is NOT , but borrowed from @thefleshlightchronicles
3 Comments

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